Great job of bringing it full circle , [–]Rheastar 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]itzll 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]therkop 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children). I'm saving your advice and will refer to it next time I'm there. You communicated, showed vulnerabilities, laughed, and did some stupid stuff along the way. [–]Throwwawayy3929t 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children). [–]Gracekellyyy 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child). Thank you, OP. It causes me a lot of distress. Often overthinking is a byproduct of anxiety or depression. I have always been a glass half empty kind of gal.. but focusing on the positive truly is a huge part of making it all work for yourself. Memes and fluff content may be subject to removal. You may find that overthinking only materializes your need to make a tough life decision or are dealing with your insecurities. It's good to think about the positive side of things when those inevitable thoughts of negativity arises. Hope it can tho, Honestly, and i don't mean to sound like a dick, but when i was 16ish i got my heart broken i just tried to convince myself that i have only live 1/6th of my life and if it didn't work out then it wasn't meant to be, i'm 27 now and still haven't found 'the one' and that's fine, because worse case scenario i'm only half way through life, you're gonna be alright bud, promise. You might feel as if you are preparing yourself for a future shock, … [–]mentalhydra 46 points47 points48 points 2 years ago* (0 children). I've become so jaded with the idea of love. In one study, 39 couples were asked to answer questionnaires about how satisfied they were with their relationship. But everyone is different, find something that works for themselves. Of course, this hasn't happened. [–]haveninmuse 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). It could be a symptom of Relationship-OCD (r/ROCD). truly enjoy because other people always told you that it was a good It's all about how we interpret things. I love this. I balanced every word he said, trying to find something else in his words. But in reality the man loves and cares for me (to be nerdy, that he loves me beyond a reasonable doubt and not just a preponderance of the evidence), I’m not sure this will work for everyone as it can be hard to separate facts from the fears and assumptions we tie to them, but it has helped me so much, [–]Nairinn 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). That’s good advice. I want to be a better person by not putting any pressure on him (I just so wish he would communicate directly … them out on a date. My bf tells me I spend too much time anticipating the bad things and I miss out enjoying the good things. Know the scenarios theyre making up in their head is fake. Overthinking in relationships can be a big problem. This was extremely insightful. This lovely time may end or not, but don't let the potential finality of the experience scare you and pack your bags. A redirection of overthinking has made magnitudes of difference. It's hard, so hard, even if you do assume ^ ask. Most people feel a little insecure about their relationship at some point, especially in the early stages of dating and forming a commitment. I understand the pain and over the years I've set up some guidlines for myself Here are the three dangers of being an overthinker: 1. - [NA]: We apply a double standard to a lot of things in life; I found I was applying a double standard for my relationship. We carry past issues into new relationships. I know cuz i been there. [–]HelloMolly26 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children). Thank you, [–]ilikeurgirl 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). You predict future bad behavior. With a nice dose of the principle of "occam's razor", I have been at a much more mentally healthier state: Note, I added new advice brought to me by peers and myself with [NA] (new advice) if you have anything worth sharing pm me, - Think of how far we have gotten and how much work we both put into this, - Think of how lucky I am to have a best friend to share the highs and lows of life with, - Enjoy the small things, the small inside jokes built on months, weeks, years of context, the shared passions discovered completely randomly, and the small nods of appreciation to each other, - Realize how often you laugh, smile, smirk when she/he snaps, chats, facetimes you. I’m trying to focus on gratitude in my life, and this is a great summary of gratitude in a relationship. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Overthinking in relationships is just one of the high functioning anxiety symptoms. let me just say long distance sucks and I'm sure there is a million people who would love to be close to you and in a healthy relationship. You just gotta keep a positive mindset and realize that you and your SO are together for a reason, [–]BlankDeep 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children). I struggle with it a lot. [–]cchristensen00 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children), I’ve been in a long distance relationship for the past year and over-thinking things has been my biggest enemy. As I'm sitting in the corner by myself with my headphones in completely shut down, I needed this breath of fresh air. You don't have to have an official anxiety diagnosis, but the struggles that come with this are real. Man, if I could clone you and be attracted and there was chemistry, that would be divine. Overthinking in relationships is just one of the signs and it significantly diminishes our ability to enjoy love and relationships to the fullest. Overthinking are the relationships that end and you always think it’s you that to blame. By training our brains to be more positive than negative it makes us happier people for sure. There are some cognitive behavior therapies that do something like this. Overthinking is a common issue I address in my therapy office. Sometimes, the person you want doesn't want you back. What an inspiration you are, kind sir. This is a personal preference. I’m in a great relationship with someone I love and respect and admire so much. You are also their source of happiness and man, you got one loyal subscriber! I used to overthink all the time but when i consciously see myself doing it i usually just brush it off now because i been doing it so much that it became "my nature" to just brush it off hahah. It was very eye opening reading this post. This is some solid advice, & I will certainly be referring back to it in the coming months. Over-thinking fabricates problems and gory “what if” horror stories. Relationship anxiety can show up in different ways. I doubted his intentions for me and the love he was feeling. Thanks for this wisdom. - Trust her/him, a strong relationship is an intelligent one; your partner is processing the world just as much as you, be confident that the relationship will figure itself out with clear communication and a healthy dose of patience. This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. © 2021 reddit inc. All rights reserved. No additional comment just want to give bonus points for use of the word, "Contingents". The Real Reason We Over-Think Relationships Thinking is a smokescreen for stuff we're trying to avoid . Thank you for this. This is a very good and important post, thank you OP for writing this. Though I am a worrier by nature anyways. Professional, social, personal ambitions to reach. [–]itsKesler 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). Oh, ghosting. Bonus round As an over thinker in a long distance relationship, this is helpful/reassuring. If I could give you gold, I would. Thank you! So thank you for posting this. Rendered by PID 17644 on r2-app-0670174bcc105fa63 at 2021-02-14 11:15:47.395578+00:00 running 6289523 country code: US. That was a story that I have lived and also learned much. [–]13Luthien4077 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). [–]opusjoy 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), I think you are cracking one of the universal secret codes. [–]dylansayshello 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), Over thinker here whose relationship is about to be a LDR for the next six months. i struggle to remember that people don’t have to be obsessive and overbearing constantly … [–]r2d2ie 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). I’m really glad I came across this. [–]nlyddane 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children), I started soothing my crazy brain with “well, what if it works?”, [–]banana-oatmeal 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children). Going to save for future moments of doubt. The part about having never done anything perfectly really resonated with me. I've been overthinking a lot about a situation I have with a friend I have immense feelings for. Overthinking is the want and need to control things because it feels like this thing in your life controls you. Yet, the problem of overthinking extends into many areas of our lives. - [NA]: To the above point, it is worth realizing that you may be with your SO because she/he is imperfect; the slight blemishes in his/her psyche or physical look (if you can call it that) becomes a defining part of them. Not being able to makes you feel anxious and agitated, and fills you with self-doubt. Seriously an hour jog every day with good music... makes the voices in my head stop. Around 90% of your fears won’t actualize, but constantly thinking about them might ruin your relationship. and join one of thousands of communities. Realize that your SO may view you in the same lense. [–]eggybredmayne 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). I'm in my first significant realationship ever and I'm a HUGE overthinker to the point where sometimes texting is too stressful for me because I'm left wondering and imagining how he's reacted to my tone cos internet can't convey feeling well. [–]Abi_Mc_Ta_Da 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (2 children), Over-thinking makes us feel like we're solving problems, when in reality, we're creating problems that are probably not even there. My husband and I live in separate homes. As another over-thinker also in a long distance relationship - this was such a blessing to read! It’s in a special color which meant it was a 17k option alone and took months to paint. Moments of doubt and confusion. Mostly I overthink about things that may go wrong and begin to set up defense mechanisms for it. Literally, my job is to solve technical problems and I'm real good at it. if u can't stop thinking about it, try to go positive. This happens in our romantic relationships, too. Be stoic, build their confidence in you. They just use the term to say, “it’s not cuz im dumb, it’s cuz im too smart.”, [–]RichardsLeftNipple 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). But be aware how much you overthink and how much you suffer from these thoughts on a daily basis: This over-thinker thanks you! To all the over-thinkers out there, you aren’t alone in the struggles hopefully the comment section reflects that this is something we all are working to improve on. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all. But it doesn't stop me from thinking it. I hope I can use your suggestions to improve my relationship. Overthinking may have been the reason that past relationships of yours have ended, even if that particular thought never entered your slightly over-wrought mind.